The Anxiety of Waiting: Why Uncertainty Feels So Uncomfortable
Have you ever noticed how difficult it can be to wait for something important?
Maybe you’re waiting for medical test results.
Perhaps you’ve sent a text message and haven’t received a response.
You might be waiting to hear whether you got the job, whether someone has made a decision, or whether the news you’re expecting will change your life.
At first, you tell yourself to be patient.
But then your mind starts wandering.
What if something is wrong?
Why haven’t they responded?
What if it’s bad news?
Did I say something I shouldn’t have?
What if things don’t work out the way I hoped?
Before you know it, you’ve imagined five different scenarios, checked your phone ten times, and convinced yourself that something terrible might happen.
And the hardest part?
Nothing has actually happened yet.
You’re simply waiting.
But when anxiety is involved, waiting can feel anything but simple.
Why Does Waiting Trigger So Much Anxiety?
Our brains are naturally wired to look for potential threats and help us prepare for danger.
When we don’t know what’s going to happen, our minds often try to fill in the missing information.
For someone experiencing anxiety, that uncertainty can feel especially uncomfortable.
Your brain wants answers.
It wants reassurance.
It wants to know that everything will be okay.
And when those answers aren’t available, your mind may start creating possible outcomes.
Unfortunately, anxiety tends to focus on what could go wrong rather than what could go right.
The problem isn’t always what you’re waiting for. Sometimes it’s the uncertainty surrounding it.
Let’s explore why waiting can create so much anxiety and what you can do to feel more grounded during those uncomfortable moments.
1. Your Brain Doesn’t Like Uncertainty
One of the biggest challenges for people experiencing anxiety is not knowing what’s going to happen next.
Uncertainty means we can’t fully predict or control an outcome.
And for an anxious mind, that can feel threatening.
Think about waiting for medical test results.
You might feel completely fine physically, but while you’re waiting for the results, your mind begins imagining every possible diagnosis.
You search symptoms online.
You replay conversations with your doctor.
You start questioning whether something was missed.
Suddenly, you’re mentally preparing for a situation that hasn’t been confirmed.
This is sometimes called intolerance of uncertainty, which means finding it particularly difficult to cope when outcomes are unknown.
Your mind may believe that if it thinks through every possible scenario, you’ll somehow be more prepared.
But often, the constant thinking simply creates more anxiety.
You can prepare for uncertainty without having to mentally live through every possible outcome.
2. Anxiety Turns Waiting Into Worst-Case Thinking
Have you ever noticed how quickly your mind can jump from a small unknown to a major catastrophe?
For example:
You send someone a message.
An hour passes without a response.
You begin wondering whether they’re upset.
Then you question what you said.
Then you start worrying that the relationship has changed.
And before long, you’ve created an entire story around one unanswered message.
This pattern is known as catastrophizing.
It’s when our minds jump to the worst possible explanation without having enough evidence to support it.
The same thing can happen while waiting for:
Medical test results.
A job interview response.
News about a loved one.
A decision about a relationship.
Financial or legal information.
An important email or phone call.
Acceptance into a school or program.
Your mind tries to predict the outcome because it believes knowing what might happen will make you feel safer.
But imagining the worst doesn’t mean you’re protecting yourself.
Sometimes it means you’re experiencing unnecessary distress before you even know what’s true.
A possibility is not the same thing as a probability, and neither is the same as a fact.
3. Waiting Can Make You Feel Like You’ve Lost Control
Many people find comfort in having a plan.
We like knowing what’s happening, what comes next, and what we can do about it.
But waiting often places us in a situation where the outcome is outside our control.
You can’t make the doctor call sooner.
You can’t force someone to respond to your message.
You can’t make an employer decide faster.
You can’t always change what another person chooses.
And that lack of control can make anxiety feel even stronger.
So what do we do?
We check.
We research.
We overthink.
We ask others for reassurance.
We replay conversations.
We try to find clues.
These behaviours can provide temporary relief, but when they become repetitive, they can keep the anxiety cycle going.
The more we try to eliminate every unknown, the harder uncertainty can become to tolerate.
Sometimes managing anxiety isn’t about gaining more control. It’s about learning how to feel safe enough when we don’t have all the answers.
4. Your Body Can React as Though Something Bad Has Already Happened
Anxiety doesn’t only affect your thoughts.
It can also affect your body.
When you’re waiting for important news, your nervous system may respond as though you’re facing an immediate threat.
You might notice:
A racing heart.
Tightness in your chest.
An upset stomach or nausea.
Difficulty concentrating.
Restlessness or pacing.
Trouble sleeping.
Muscle tension.
Feeling irritable or emotionally overwhelmed.
Constantly checking your phone.
Even though the situation hasn’t been resolved, your body may already be responding to the possibility of something going wrong.
This is one reason waiting can feel so exhausting.
You’re not simply sitting around waiting for information.
You may be spending hours or even days in a heightened state of alertness.
And that takes energy.
Your body may be reacting to what your mind fears, not necessarily to what is actually happening.
Recognizing this can help you respond to yourself with more compassion.
5. The Waiting Can Feel Worse Than the Answer
Have you ever spent days worrying about something, only to discover that the outcome wasn’t nearly as bad as you imagined?
Perhaps the test results were normal.
The person you were worried about was simply busy.
The job opportunity didn’t work out, but another one came along.
Or the difficult conversation you were dreading turned out to be manageable.
Sometimes the anticipation creates more emotional distress than the event itself.
This is often referred to as anticipatory anxiety.
It’s the anxiety we experience when thinking about something that hasn’t happened yet.
Our minds can spend so much time preparing for the future that we forget to live in the present.
We stop enjoying our day.
We become distracted during conversations.
We struggle to relax.
We put things on hold until we receive an answer.
It’s almost as though life becomes paused while we wait.
But here’s something worth remembering:
You don’t have to put your entire life on hold while waiting for one part of it to unfold.
You can feel uncertain and still enjoy your morning coffee.
You can feel worried and still go for a walk.
You can be waiting for important news and still allow yourself moments of happiness.
Two things can be true at the same time.
6. Why We Keep Checking Our Phones
Let’s talk about something many of us do.
You send a message.
You put your phone down.
Thirty seconds later, you pick it back up.
No response.
You check again.
And again.
Maybe you look to see whether the person was online.
Perhaps you reread your message, wondering whether your wording was wrong.
You might even start feeling rejected or unimportant.
But what you’re often searching for isn’t simply a message.
You’re searching for relief from uncertainty.
Every time you check your phone, you’re hoping to find something that will make the uncomfortable feeling disappear.
And if you receive the response you wanted, you may feel immediate relief.
Unfortunately, repeatedly checking can teach your brain that uncertainty is something you must urgently resolve.
Instead, try practising small moments of waiting without checking.
Remind yourself:
I don’t need an immediate response to be okay.
Someone else’s response time doesn’t determine my worth.
I can tolerate not knowing for a little while.
Learning to sit with uncertainty takes practice, but it can gradually help reduce the hold anxiety has over your day.
7. Waiting Can Bring Up Old Emotional Wounds
Sometimes our reaction to waiting is connected to experiences we’ve had in the past.
Perhaps you’ve experienced unexpected bad news.
Maybe someone you trusted suddenly stopped communicating.
You may have lived through a medical scare, relationship breakdown, or period when life felt unpredictable.
When something similar happens again, your mind may remember how painful that uncertainty felt.
You might become especially alert to changes in communication, delays, or unanswered questions.
Your brain may be trying to protect you from experiencing that pain again.
But past experiences don’t automatically predict future outcomes.
Just because something difficult happened before doesn’t mean it will happen again.
Your past may help explain why uncertainty feels frightening, but it doesn’t have to determine how you respond to it today.
7 Ways to Calm Anxiety While You’re Waiting
While we can’t always control the outcome, we can learn to support ourselves through the uncertainty.
1. Separate What You Know From What You’re Imagining
When anxiety starts creating stories, pause and ask yourself:
What do I actually know right now?
For example:
Fact: I’m waiting for my medical test results.
Anxious thought: Something must be seriously wrong.
Balanced thought: I don’t have the results yet. I can follow up with my healthcare provider if needed, but I don’t have enough information to draw conclusions.
This doesn’t mean pretending everything will be fine.
It means avoiding conclusions before you have the facts.
2. Give Yourself Permission Not to Know
This may sound simple, but it can be one of the most challenging skills to develop.
Try telling yourself:
I don’t have all the answers right now, and that’s uncomfortable.
I can handle this moment without knowing what happens next.
I don’t need to solve tomorrow’s problems today.
You don’t have to love uncertainty.
You simply need to begin learning that you can move through it.
3. Create Boundaries Around Checking
If you’re constantly checking your phone, email, or online medical portal, consider setting reasonable boundaries.
For example:
Check your email at designated times.
Put your phone away while doing an activity.
Turn off unnecessary notifications.
Avoid repeatedly searching online for possible outcomes.
Follow the timeline provided by your healthcare professional and know when to follow up.
The goal isn’t to ignore important information.
It’s to reduce the constant cycle of checking that can keep your nervous system on high alert.
4. Bring Yourself Back to the Present
Anxiety often pulls us into the future.
Mindfulness helps us reconnect with what’s happening right now.
Try this simple grounding exercise.
Place your feet firmly on the floor.
Take a slow, gentle breath.
Look around and notice five things you can see.
Notice four things you can physically feel.
Identify three things you can hear.
Notice two things you can smell.
Identify one thing you can taste.
Then gently remind yourself:
Right now, I’m here.
Right now, I can focus on what is within my control.
I can take this one moment at a time.
You don’t need to force yourself to feel calm.
Simply allow yourself to return to the present.
5. Stop Rehearsing Every Possible Outcome
Have you ever noticed yourself mentally preparing for every possible scenario?
You imagine what you’ll say.
What you’ll do.
How you’ll respond.
What might happen afterward.
While practical planning can be helpful, repeatedly imagining worst-case scenarios can become exhausting.
Ask yourself:
Is there something useful I can do right now?
If the answer is yes, take that step.
If the answer is no, gently redirect your attention toward something that supports your well-being.
Thinking about something repeatedly doesn’t necessarily make you more prepared. Sometimes it simply makes you more tired.
6. Keep Living While You Wait
This is something I really want to encourage you to practise.
Don’t allow uncertainty to take over every part of your day.
Go for the walk.
Meet your friend for coffee.
Read the book.
Spend time outside.
Make dinner with your family.
Do something that brings you joy.
You’re allowed to enjoy your life even when something important remains unresolved.
You don’t have to earn moments of peace by having everything figured out.
7. Practise Trusting Your Ability to Cope
One of the most powerful shifts we can make is moving away from the question:
What if something bad happens?
And toward:
If something difficult happens, what support and resources could help me through it?
This doesn’t mean you’ll never experience disappointment, sadness, or difficult news.
It means recognizing that you can seek support, make decisions, and take things one step at a time.
You don’t need to know exactly how you’ll handle every possible outcome.
You can trust yourself to respond when you have the information you need.
A Gentle Exercise: Releasing the Need to Know
If you’re currently waiting for something important, take a few minutes to try this exercise.
Find a comfortable position.
Allow your shoulders to soften.
Take a slow breath in, and gently breathe out.
Imagine that you’re holding a heavy backpack.
Inside that backpack are all the things you’re worrying about.
The unanswered messages.
The decisions you can’t control.
The test results you haven’t received.
The questions that keep running through your mind.
Notice how heavy that backpack feels.
Now imagine gently placing it on the ground beside you.
You aren’t ignoring what’s inside.
You aren’t pretending those things don’t matter.
You’re simply giving yourself permission to stop carrying them for a few moments.
Take another slow breath.
And silently repeat:
I don’t need all the answers right now.
I can care deeply without worrying constantly.
I can allow uncertainty to exist without letting it consume me.
I will deal with what comes when it comes.
For now, I give myself permission to be present.
Stay here for a few moments, noticing the support beneath you.
When you’re ready, gently open your eyes and return to your day.
Remember, you can pick up the responsibilities that require your attention without carrying every imagined possibility.
Mindful Journaling: Exploring Your Relationship With Uncertainty
Take a few moments to reflect on these questions:
What situations make waiting especially difficult for me?
What is the first story my mind creates when I don’t have an answer?
Do I tend to assume the worst when someone doesn’t respond?
What do I believe will happen if I’m not prepared for every possibility?
How does uncertainty show up in my body?
What behaviours do I use to seek reassurance?
What is one thing I can control while waiting?
What would it look like to trust myself a little more during uncertain moments?
You don’t need to have perfect answers.
The purpose is to become curious about your patterns rather than criticizing yourself for having them.
A Final Thought from Tracy
If you’re someone who struggles with waiting, I want you to know something.
You don’t have to have all the answers to find moments of peace.
I know how easy it can be to get caught up in the what-ifs.
What if the results aren’t good?
What if they don’t respond?
What if I made the wrong decision?
What if everything changes?
But here’s something I want you to consider.
How much of your life are you spending worrying about things that haven’t happened yet?
How many moments of joy are being overshadowed by situations you can’t currently control?
The truth is, life will always contain uncertainty.
There will always be unanswered questions, unexpected changes, and moments when we simply have to wait.
And while we can’t eliminate every unknown, we can change how we respond to it.
You can learn to recognize anxious thoughts without automatically believing them.
You can practise sitting with uncomfortable feelings without immediately searching for reassurance.
You can remind yourself that worrying about tomorrow doesn’t give you control over tomorrow.
And most importantly, you can learn that your peace doesn’t have to depend on knowing exactly what’s going to happen next.
Sometimes the greatest gift you can give yourself is permission to stop trying to figure everything out and simply be present in the life that’s happening right now.
You are allowed to take things one day at a time.
You are allowed to have unanswered questions.
And you are allowed to experience peace, even while you’re waiting.
Are You Tired of Overthinking and Always Expecting the Worst?
If uncertainty, overthinking, or constant worrying are affecting your daily life, counselling can help.
At Soulful Empowerment Counselling, I support individuals experiencing anxiety, excessive worry, self-doubt, and emotional overwhelm.
Together, we can explore what’s contributing to your anxiety and develop practical strategies to help you feel more grounded, confident, and comfortable navigating life’s uncertainties.
You don’t have to wait until anxiety takes over your life to seek support.
Accepting New Clients | In-person counselling in Chilliwack, BC, and virtual counselling.
Real Support. Real Growth. Real Change.
